BATS Magazine: Blog

Future music festival // double pass give away //

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:35:57 +1000

The lovely people from The Arcade Creative have given us a double pass to give away to this years Future Music Festival. So in homage to The Arcade Creative, we are running a competition to find bats magazine’s most creative reader.

To win, simply select a live performance picture of any of the future music festival artists and paint over the top to create a new and wonderful masterpiece.

Once completed, post the creation onto our facebook page and if we like it, you win!.

To get the ball rolling here’s one of the Swedish house mafia we prepared earlier.

We look forward to seeing some sick skillz.

Post picture to bats facebook here

For more details on the event, follow arcade creative and Future music here.

Film review-The Fourth Kind

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 01:13:00 +1000

The Forth Kind

a film review by Emily Donohoe

1st kind- sighting, 2nd kind- evidence, 3rd kind- contact, 4th kind- abduction.

In the year of 2000, while the y2k bug had all but fizzled out, a new hysteria had hit the usa. In the small town of Nome, Alaska, a series of alien abductions had occurred.

I once thought I saw a space craft, one spring evening in my Kenmore town house. I thought I was special to have seen it and kept it a secret for a good two weeks before I spilt the beans during net ball practice, ridiculed at the revelations that the blue and red object I had seen twinkling by my window was a satellite most likely owned by Amart all sports, I suppose it was as subtle as their add campaigns so I should have guessed.

The film is an adaptation of the ‘real life’ story of Dr. Abigail Tyler, a woman whom after the mysterious death of her husband decided to continues his research into the immense issues of his patients and their supposed alien Encounters.

( Note -Not what so ever to be confused with ‘George napp presents- the forth kind alien abduction stories’ which came up when I was trying to YouTube the 2009, Olatunde Osunsanmi version, While I’m on this tangent let me elaborate, the clip depicted the humors stories of an old man by the name of Budd Hopkins and a band of people claiming to have been abducted. One stating ‘I obviously lost the time because I don’t know how I got in bed in the morning’

Truer words have never been said, especially in the Yule tidings of many a corporate piss up, their craft of choice; a corona. However, at 8 minutes 43 seconds after being subjected to countless claims with little to know scientific research behind them, a string of grainy images of disk like objects and countless artists impressions of alien examinations and abductions, the words ‘in the 1960’s the light started landing’ were muttered with the accompanied image of what looked like accumulative seamen on a small patch of carpet. With the sexual revolution coinciding with this suposive event, I really don’t want to know what actually landed and where.)

Back to the cinematic version of the 4th kind and not an old man with a digital camera. Abigail is played by a suspiciously much hotter version of her self; Milla Jovovich. I was also positioned to wonder how Milla could possibly have a child nearing their teens. Then I remembered blue lagoon 2 and all queries were laid to rest.

The film takes a dark turn as some of the dramatized events are accompanied with real footage of patience sessions. If you don’t handle ET well, this isn’t the film for you. The patients complain of seeing a white owl each and every night, causing them to have amnesia and insomnia (however I am under the impression it was just Sarah pallen’s white face as she went mid night door knocking and simply tried explaining to the Alaskan residents her presidential candidate policies which would understandably mess with any ones mind). Some of the clips are genuinely disturbing, one scene depicting police archival footage when a patient couldn’t handle seeing the owl any more, who then goes home and kills his family then him selve.

The aliens then start to interact with ‘Abigail’ abducting her and leaving a rude message on her tape recorder in Sumerian (she seeks the help of an expert in the langue but I thought it was a prerequisite to know it on the set of the 5th element?). The film ends with a bang, a bang of abbey’s head on her hard wood ceiling as the space craft beams try to lift her out of her house but apparently the long winter months had an effect of the magnetic pull of the light source. Instead taking her slightly smaller (I say slightly as the child is at least 6 but is already developing breasts) blind daughter of whom to this day has never been found.

A mothers cock and bull story of aliens to cover up a clear case of actual murder, humored by a 10 million dollar budget to make it into an everlasting piece of cinema. Sort of like the dog ate my home work instead replace dog with aliens killed and home work with my daughter. There have been arguments that the actual story that took place over a decade ago is all a fake, but ill let you be the judge of that. You just don’t know what’s out there man!

The 4th kind, you gave me highs, you gave me lows, you made me want to watch tabacco’s- supergum for the next hour to follow. http://vimeo.com/12489148

Future music festival

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:24:00 +1000

My youth included several favourite past times, watching Pokemon, eating Vegemite and Weetbix and listening to early naughties techno (this may be due to the fact that they were the only songs without lyrics, therefore sparing me the painstaking experience of listening to my younger sister sing along to the songs of the time as I sat in the back wanting to commit, traumatising me and creating my love for the dance genre?).

As the years past I kept many an eye on the happenings of the scene, dreaming that one day I might even dance, just a little at ‘The love parade’ Berlin. Alas, the disaster of the 2010 love parade put a halt to it all.

But I grieve no more, for there is an alternative that will provide everything the love parade can and more (mainly being a convenient cab ride home, maybe even a bus/taxi combo depending on your suburb).

Future Music Festival has the blue print for a genuinely great day out and on the 3rd of march Brisbane will be graced with the presence of artists such as Swedish House Mafia, New Order, Fat Boy Slim, Paul Van Dyk (who I had a legit crush on), The Wombats, Die Antwoord, The Rapture, Knife Party, Stafford Brothers and so, so much more.

No regrets just love

We hope to see you there with bells on (these days kids could very well wear nothing but. Lets hope their fake tan can add some sort of illusion for a t-shirt)

Details for all future festival events can be found on http://www.futureentertainment.com.au/uremusicfestival/

MARCIN OWCZAREK

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:10:08 +1000

Delivering some pleasant aesthetics this evening to beat the Wednesday night crucible of sperm, ¾ length coloured shorts and obnoxious sweaty teens at the RE.

Artist Marcin Owczarek has created these photography based collage creations, reminiscent of surrealism, commenting on many issues relevant in today’s society.

Some depicting similar dreams I’ve had this week, less the glitter and drag.

If anything they are worth a look and maybe could look cool on your new back to sChOOL books, what better image to have for english class then a snail next to a vagina @_! >. Naw we love them and we hope you do too.

Have a cheeky gander here;

http://www.wix.com/marcinowczarek/photography#!

No years 2011

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 23:56:00 +1000

New years eve, a night of disappointment and confusion for many and in the case of Katherine Fugate, a night of one too many alphabet spaghettis which resulted in a projectile mess of gelatinous letters in which the script for the cinematic representation was created.

Have you just got some money from $anta (mummah) and just don’t know what to do with it, beat the fire works celebration at South bank and come along to the powerhouse (a treat in itself) for a chilled night full of fun, music and just a tad of art. Dance along to the likes of TOURISM, DUM DUM GIRLS, THE HOLIDAYS, BALL PARK MUSIC, THE LAST DINOSAURS, THE JUNGLE GIANTS , CHARLIE MAYFAIR AND SO SO MUCH MORE.

Alternatively a paddock with one strobe light and $900 worth of antihistamines would be fun but I just don’t have that much cash.

But for now I will leave you with a few quick questions with Brock Smith from Triple J’s Unearthed artist of the year- Ball Park Music to push you over the fence (or should I say out of the ball park, (I’m sorry I have been with my family for too long this festive season) to come along and welcome 2012 with a bang, of music and who knows what else after the party starts.

What is the worst New Years Eve you have attended?

Well our worst New Years ever was actually spent as a band. I suppose new years eve itself wasn’t a terrible time but the morning after at about 5am Sam and I woke to a thumping on the window and eventually what we thought was a door opening, but as I limped to look (with a broken leg at the time) the house was empty (we thought). We went back to sleep but eventually found out a drunken man had made it into our bathroom and passed out on the toilet. 4 hours of trying to wake him up later, security finally came and got him out only to find he had left us a brown suprise in the bathtub…

On a scale of 1-10 how excited are you for no years?

10/10. As long as there are no more brown suprises involved.

What are your top 5 celebrity death predictions and how?

1. Hugh Heffner. From an overdose of a less conventional ‘party drug’ and a terminal case of priapism. 2. A member of Nickleback - Surely someone is willing to end their stream of musical diarrhoea. For further reading see www.worstbandintheworld.com, Serious do it. 3. Iggy pop, Pretty sure that guy is an (awesome) living performing zombie 4. Jack Black - I think he has spent too much time chasing the cake of destiny lately. 5. Is too many celebrities to condemn.

Write an acrostic poem for no years

N - Now

O - Our

Y – Year has

E – Ended.

A – Are you

R- Ready to get

S- Silly.

A zombie apocalypse has been predicted for 2012, where do you go, who and what do you take?

I’d Go as far away from a shopping centre as possible as that’s where everyone dies in the movies and take guns, chomps And Jack Black because after we’re out of chomps there’s plenty of him to go round or to offer to the zombies to keep them busy for a while.

2011 life regrets?

NOTHING LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND NEVER LOOK BACK ALWAYS.

Draw your ultimate New Years Eve

For more details on tickets and times please visit

Website- http://www.noyears.com/

Facebook-http://www.facebook.com/events/173317552752991/

YUKSEK at OH HELLO

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 10:57:02 +1000

Our friends at Oh Hello have given our readers an alternative to the awkward bus commute to a friend of a friends house party, only to get there at 10:30pm to find 5 people watching a dvd. Yuksek is playing on New Years Eve and we have a double pass to give away to see the French dj.

All you have to do to win is allow me to take pleasure in your sadness by uploaded a picture of the worst Christmas present you have received this year on our facebook.

Maybe it will beat my giant 3kg sparkly ceramic goldfish which now sits on the dinning room table out of sear spite.

Details on the event here- http://www.facebook.com/events/289994507685048/

Bats facebook on how to win- http://www.facebook.com/events/289994507685048/#!/batsmagazine

Nine Lives x No Years: Poster Callout

Mon, 28 Nov 2011 13:50:00 +1000

Speaking of callouts (I admit this is not the most creative segue but it will have to do), Nine Lives Gallery is looking for submissions for a poster exhibition which is being held at NO YEARS Festival at the end of this year.

They want Brisbane’s best artists, graphic designers and photographers to submit all types of creative posters. Best of all, they’ll get to show alongside some amazing established creatives including: Beastman, Numskull, Leif Podhajsky and WeBuyYourKids!

Submissions close 3pm December 7. For details on how to enter, click here.

In the meantime, I leave you with this tasty promotional video made by local artist, Amy Longworth. Warning: You may develop Type 2 Diabetes after the video has completed.

Calling All Designers:

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 22:23:55 +1000

Consider this an official shout out to all the young fashion designers out there (you know, the ones with the freakishly calloused fingers). We’re currently looking for designers to feature in our next issue’s photoshoot! Interested? It doesn’t matter what you design; mens or womens, day or evening wear, swimwear, jewellery, lingerie, pajamas or halloween costumes for your ferret… we wanna hear from you!

Get in contact with us at featured@batsmagazine.com

How To Poo In Public: The Definitive Guide

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 21:34:14 +1000

photo by Gem McDonald

For the past week I have been pondering the longevity with which the stench (pun queen xoxo) of this article would linger around my life, but then I thought, fuck it. Laying a brick, taking a dump, dropping the kids off at the pool – everyone in the entire world poos and yet, there is something cripplingly horrifying about the thought of having to drop one off anywhere but home. So instead of fearing the public poo, I am going to teach you ways in which to accommodate both its needs and your dignity.

words by Jessie Power

THE POO PILLOW

An age old favourite, dating back to the days of school when going to the toilet for anything other than reapplying make-up and texting your boyf, (or Mum in my case, “What’s for dinner?”), was an abomination on femininity. I’m serious, a friend of mine recently told me that a girl he knows legitimately has a sign stuck on the back of her bathroom door that says, and I quote, “GIRLS DON’T POO”. If this is your philosophy, chances are you’re either mentally ill or an alien. Regardless, the poo pillow is a technique that ensures stealth and security when going public. Basically, fill the bottom of the toilet bowl with a soft layer of tissue paper, and when I say soft, I mean it, if you go to town on that toilet roll you’re going to block to the toilets and create a river of poop. Once you’ve crafted sufficient padding, you’re good to go, the sound will be muffled and no one will suspect a thing!

THE CONVENIENT COUGH

If you are on the toilet and need to fart, stage a coughing fit and afterwards emerge from your stall holding an asthma pump. No one will think you’ve got flatulence issues, if anything, they’ll just feel sorry for you.

COMMENCE YOUR SOLO CAREER AS A MUSICIAN

While pooing, rap Super Bass by Nicki Minaj at the top of your lungs, and if that doesn’t scare off every other person in that public toilet, leaving you to poo in peace, then you’re probably in Inala.

HIT THE HAND DRYER

This method, though guilty of conspicuousness, does the trick. It’s rather self-explanatory. Walk into the bathroom, hit the hand-dryer, seek comfort in being masked by the sweet “whooooooosh” noise. Particularly useful for the explosive product of a hangover.

There are a myriad of creative tricks you can come up with to make your public pooing experience a care free one and to share this notion of comfort, be a pal and share your tips with your friends. Like gay marriage and having a deep adoration for the Twilight saga, bowel movements should no longer be taboo topics, but openly embraced by all realms of society.

Until then, remember what I taught you and happy pooping!

Yanni Floros

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 16:21:04 +1000

Have you ever seen someone with so much talent that you conspire about how they might have met at a cross roads on a full moon, kissed a demon and as a result now have unlimited ability in their chosen field? Well, I’m not pointing any fingers, but the works of Adelaide-based artist, Yanni Floros, are definitely of this Godly calibre.

This dude sure knows how to work a stick (pencil that is), specialising in graphite sketches amongst other mediums. All I can say is a whimsical “one day” and leave you to admire Yanni’s exceptional control of shading and form:

View more of his work here: www.yannifloros.com

The Walk of Shame: A Walk To Remember

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 16:57:50 +1000

photo by Racheal Crowther

The Walk of Shame is one that we have all done… some more than others — I myself seem to do them quite a bit, because hey, I am kind of a slut and after seven drinks I’ll go home with just about anybody.

There are a handful of places throughout Brisbane in which I have woken up, some better and more accommodating than others. And in the interest of raising the morals of our readers, I share with you some of my stories in the hopes that they will offer some tips on the best places to wake up. Though straight off the bat I will say this: ladies, never wear fur coats.
Fur coats are always a tell-tale sign of a walk of shame, either that or people just think you’re a hooker.

Fortitude Valley

The walk of shame through The Valley is probably the best one. Though it’s definitely better on a Friday morning rather than a Saturday or Sunday morning, because the markets can be difficult to weave through with only 3 hours of sleep. The best thing though is that when you ask for a coke with your McBreakfast — no one judges you, they’re totally used to it.

Paddington

Depending on the time of day, Paddington can be both good and bad. If you’re doing an 11am dash then you’re kind of in the clear. Most people will have finished having breakfast and are not around anymore. However any earlier than that and you are normally confronted with dining Yuppies or worse: old people jogging. You can try and blend in and pretend that you’re going for an early morning jog, but again that fur coat makes that really hard.

New farm

I was shocked and appalled by New Farm: I have never felt so judged in my life. I swear if one more young couple looked me in disgust I was going to have to throw my stupidly overpriced fruit smoothie at them. Seriously, fuck you Gen X! Don’t pretend like you didn’t do the exact same thing in 2001. At least I’m not doing it with a “hilarious” slogan t-shirt and Millennium Mohawk like you all did.

Brisbane City

I once had a man, who was selling some charity items, heckle me with the phrase, “Buy this! It’ll match your bloodshot eyes!”. That really sums it up.

Graceville

I awkwardly did a walk of shame in Graceville once. I don’t really know why. Especailly because my house is closer to the valley than Graceville and the whole thing was kind of redundant. To be honest, I was probably the most frightened in Graceville. As to avoid walking past a child;s birthday party in which a loud and frustrating water fight had just broken out, I wondered into some bushlands and saw a snake and the walk of shame was cut short as I made my mum come and get me. Seriously I can’t handle that shit.

I hope my stories of stumble have amused and enlighten you and remember ladies, seriously avoid the fur coat, I really cannot stress that enough.

The Kids Are All Right

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:34:57 +1000

Meet Benjamin Donnelly and Jacob Schneider. Two guys (average age 16.5) who like to take pictures. And who want to make a difference. So instead of counting the renewal of their PlayStation Network subscriptions as donations to “charity” on their yearly tax return, these guys set up a market stall at Manly and began to raise money for Architecture for Humanity by selling prints of their photography. AfH use innovative, sustainable and open-source architecture to make a difference in the world, and were there to help during the Japan and Christchurch earthquakes. It’s for a good cause yo.

The force is strong with these ones: check out their blogs (they take sick pictures), donate to their coming-soon site, stop playing Modern Warfare 3 (Skyrim is where it’s at) and help them go from humble beginnings to a initiative to be recognised with.

architectureforhumanity.org

WIN a date with BANGS!

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:57:00 +1000

If you’ve ever wanted to hang out with a rap star or just simply be treated to a free meal — today is your lucky day….

BANGS, who has been dubbed as “the biggest thing to hit Sudan, since malaria!” by Youtube user JessikahAznBabyy, is returning to Brisbane for his second time to play a special show at LAMBDA next month.

And we’re freaking excited to announce that one of our readers will have the chance to have Bangs Take Them Out To Dinner!!!

THE DETAILS? You and a friend will enjoy a personal dinner with Your Boy Bangs at Little Panda in Chinatown, who will kindly be shouting you with a voucher to the value of $100 — which will get you SHITLOADS of dinner, Panda Punch and some sweet Karaoke to set the mood! Not only that, but you will also receive a double pass to his show afterwards at Lambda (details on the poster below).

HOW TO ENTER? Hit “Like” Below and email us at win@batsmagazine.com with the subject as ‘My Boy Bangs’.

Skater Chix

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 16:41:25 +1000

words by Alice Rezende

There is nothing worse than writing on a Facebook event wall why it is that you’re not attending said event: this is called The Not Attending Whine. The honest truth being, most people don’t care and the event host is going to get quietly pissed off with you for about 10 minutes during his/her lunch break despite delighting you with a very polite return comment. If you’ve ever been a host, you will know that they secretly hate acknowledging that you are going to “a really important 21st”, caressing Dolphins in Hawaii for 3 months, or just “hanging out with Mum”. You bloody liar.

Anyway, I may or may not have done The Not Attending Whine in what I found to be one of the coolest events yet to ever grace my fingertips on Facebook the other day. Whilst casually stalking my friend Kate, I noticed this:

… And this is how I found out about a start-up girl ‘skate gang’ happening in Brisbane a la Skate Witches, minus the leather jackets since it’s so fucking hot right now.

Formed by a group of girls who run the QUT Women’s Collective (and insist feminism is not a bad word), the Women’s Skate Gang Launch aims to get a shitload of girls keen to go skating together. The launch of this gang bang is happening Tomorrow, November 19th at Musgrave Park. Foods and beverages are encouraged and so are cute boys and non-QUT affiliated peeps. The event says it’s all in the name of fun – meaning no one will be landing double kick-flips on your foot or pushing you down the half-pipe with a dirty grin on their faces. It also tells you to bring a helmet. I laughed.

(But seriously, safe skateboarding is a lot of fun.)

Personally, I started crushing on the idea of girl skaters when I first saw my friend Vlada speed down James St after a night of beers and breaking plastic chairs. She bent down on the board while cars flashed past the crossroad and then disappeared into the corner. I stood there, barefoot (she sprinted out of the house really quickly, I had no time) and frozen until she came back laughing. From that moment on I thought she was THE badass of New Farm badasses. I thought she was a frilly-skirted goddess. So, the next morning I texted her and said I was buying a skateboard. Her reply was the equivalent of a shrug and a ‘meh’, which made me all the more eager to spend my money and make her love me like I loved her skating.

But if you really want to know, the life of a skater isn’t as easy as it looks. Be aware of leg bruises and that knee pads are a sign of pussy-ness. Be aware of lolling your body around on concrete. And that you’ll always look stupid carrying a skateboard in the city/at the line at Macca’s (been there done that). Be aware, mostly, of drunken Filipino lads saying they can land all these awesome tricks but instead sucking hardcore at life in general. Really he’s just trying to steal your board while your boyfriend is still drunk inside the house. If you can emerge victorious after that, and still wear a frilly skirt with confidence, then congratulations, you have finally found a use for your Vans shoes. Now let’s go skatin’ bitches, make me proud while I’m away caressing Dolphins on the Sunshine Coast (sozzz!!! can’t attend etc etc etc!).

Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 16:40:43 +1000

There’s a few things in life I believe should be free: cable TV, KFC and postal services.
But the internet definitely tops that list. And while we can count our blessings that Australia isn’t under any prominent internet censorships (sorry China), internet usage is proving to be freaking expensive. As a result, we’ve put together a list of the best FREE Wi-Fi spots available in Brisbane:

Written by Kelsey Heinrichs.

PUBLIC TRANSPORT

As of this year, Queensland Rail gave public transport commuters one reason to stop hating their life so much. They’ve started rolling out free Wi-Fi across trains, stating it will be available on 64 of their services by the end of 2012.

Though at the moment it’s really a game of hit and miss. If you are on a free Wi-Fi service, you will be notified via a poster featuring two fucking annoying looking girls (one who is apparently married but still feels the needs to wear blue eye shadow on the morning commute) using their iphones and loving life.

Brisbane City Council has also jumped on the bandwagon like the substantially less good looking and talented younger brother they are. Just days ago they’ve launched a three-month trial of free Wi-Fi buses, and they are pretty fucking hard to miss:

YOUR NEIGHBOUR

If you’re lucky, your dickhead neighbour may be that much of a dickhead as to forget to put a password on their wireless. If that is indeed the case, you have my permission to log onto their internet and download as much porn as you see desirable or until his/her downloads get capped. If you manage to overhear a very loud groan of “argh why is the internet being so slow? herp aderp” from next door, give yourself a fucking medal and continue seeding.

STATE LIBRARY OF QUEENSLAND

I love the state library, more than you will ever know. Seriously, that shit is amazing. And while they have had their free Wi-Fi services for years, and do not have any imposing download limits (!), the internet there is fucking slow. Unbearably slow. Plus all the good (illicit) websites are banned. Which is a good thing in a way I guess, because if you’re at a library you really should be reading a book or at least be attempting to study.

MCDONALDS

You have seriously lost the game of life if you’re sitting at maccas, surfing the web on your laptop and eating enough calories to feed the entire cast of The City. That’s why people have internet plans - so they can do that shit in private.

BRISBANE POWERHOUSE

Last year, the good folks at Brisbane Powerhouse started offering free Wi-Fi services at their venue with unlimited downloads (!!). I’m not exactly sure whether this still stands, but you only have to spot one hipster on his macbook pro drinking overpriced beer in the bar area to confirm this.

PARKS AND RECREATION

Ahh BCC, the council that keeps on giving and giving (but mostly taking). At the moment, they are trialing free Wi-Fi in the city’s most prominent parks. And since this trial has thus proven successful, they are extending the trial til the end of Febuary 2012. It’s currently available at the City Botanical Gardens and at New Farm Park + check out this list of parks they plan to add free wireless to in mid 2012.

Smell You Later, University!

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 19:51:28 +1000

Three years of sleep deprivation, corrupt Photoshop files, drinking V and Redbull religiously, disastrous printing issues, ridiculous deadlines and dealing with obnoxious mature aged students in tutorials is over. Praise the fucking lord.

This Thursday night, QCA Design graduates (including BATS editors Kelsey Heinrichs and Emily Donohoe) say goodbye to 8am lectures for good. Come along to the old Prop House (Corner of Glenelg and Cordelia Street, South Brisbane) from 6pm for the QCA design graduate portfolio exhibition, Non Parallel. Free grog too apparently!

In the meantime check out the graduates in all their glory at qcagraduates.com

Guess Who's Back?

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 17:30:36 +1000

A while ago we announced BATS was ending. Then a few months passed. We tried making preparations for our “last ever issue” — but couldn’t really bring ourselves to the fact that it was really over. So like any problem that you don’t know how to deal with, we ignored it and hoped it would just deal with itself (note: we don’t recommend you do this if your problem is STD-related).

Our hiatus over these past few months has seen the team living life on the edge, doing all-nighter assignments (whilst some of us complete our last semester at University) and working for “the man”. However, now that Uni is over for the year, the humidity of the approaching Queensland summer has forced us to peel ourselves off the couch, get up and do something. Though not before opening an empty fridge 2-3 times, double checking that all the snack packs have not been eaten or the beers haven’t been drunk.

So while 4chan’s /b/ has had its thrills and my Neopet has attained the status of “hungry” rather then “dying”, it is time we turned our focus away from our guilty cyber pleasures and came back to caring for our 40 paged, black & white xeroxed baby.

Yes, you read that correctly. BATS is back. Tell A Friend.

So where to from here? To be honest, we’re still figuring that one out for ourselves. But we are certain on some things: we will be releasing the next BATS issue early next year and we want you on board for the journey, which leads me to…

Issue 10 submissions are now OPEN!

We want to see the weirdest and most wonderful things Brisbane, Australia and the world has to offer. We want art, photography, writing, musicians, anything and everything, except obviously poetry and white pride propaganda. Let’s get the fucking ball rolling, email your submissions to: featured@batsmagazine.com

***We’re also always on the lookout for blog contributors, so quit being a pussy and get in contact with us because we’d love to hear from you and get some awesome people writing for us.

David Meowie

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:10:15 +1000

Felines and music have a history that goes way back to the prehistoric days when the song “What’s New Pussycat” was made famous by Tom Jones in 1965 — in which it was rumoured his “woah-oh-oh-oh”s were the early signs of a stroke. But in more recent times, cats have taken a more prominent role in the music industry, from keyboard cat to the actual bane of my existence, Nyan Cat.

It was only recently when we stumbled across the blog The Kitten Covers, where the blog’s owner takes famous album covers and recreates them to include kittens, that the world’s obsession with cats seemed to have reached a disgustingly concerning, but awesome level:

Visit thekittencovers.tumblr.com to see more and fulfill your feline fetish.

How to Frape Your Friends, Part 1.

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 10:42:00 +1000

If you’re ever given the window of opportunity when your friend (or foe) leaves their facebook logged in, don’t just set their status to “I’m gay” or “sucks dick” — while this is hilarious, there are much more creative ways to plague your friend’s facebook.

A guide by Kelsey Heinrichs

#1 FOREVER ALONE

NOTE: this frape does not result in any public backlash, anger or embarrassment… however, it still leaves your victim feeling pretty shit. So if you’re feeling particularly evil one rainy afternoon, follow the steps below:

Step 1: On your target’s account, go to update their status, but instead click on the privacy settings and select “custom”

Step 2: The box below will appear, at which point navigate to the first dropbox and select “only me” and then click “save changes”.

The genius in this hack is that your friend is most likely too stupid to ever figure out that their privacy settings have been changed. Now ALL their updates will only be viewable to them. After a few days of receiving no likes or comments on their statuses and uploads, you can only imagine how they will feel:

#2 It’s all in the details

If you don’t have much time to do a hack (say your victim has left their computer to go take a piss), then simply edit a minute detail of their info section. For example: changing their gender or setting their birth year back a few five decades. Chances are they’ll never actually notice the change or the fact they are now known to the cyberworld as a 79-year-old-gender-bending-sass-queen.

#3 Birthday Surprise

Step 1: Select a victim - preferably someone that’s pissed you off recently.
Step 2: Wait until it’s their birthday.
Step 3: On the morning of their birthday, go through all their photo albums and “like” everything in sight.

As a result, your victim will wake up to 99+ notifications. Upon seeing this, their heart will swell at the thought of all the birthday wishes they are about to receive. They will feel confident and happy with themselves.

That is, until they click on their notifications and find out that 90% of them are from you. Happy fucking birthday, jerk.

ADDED BONUS: Thanks to Zuckerberg’s latest installation, users will have to go through and individually click on each one of your “likes” before the notification goes away. This is the icing on the cake.

#4 Birthday Surprise: the alternative

This one’s not as time consuming as the previous, but definitely effective. When hacking your friend, write “Happy Birthday :) hope you had a good one!” on the wall of a random Facebook friend of theirs. *Extra points if it’s their ex-girlfriend or 4th grade primary school teacher. Then sit back and watch the awkwardness roll out in your newsfeed.

BONUS TROLL

Step 1: Find an opinion based status in your newsfeed. Eg:

Step 2: Comment below with an opposing statement:

Step 3: Wait until someone else retaliates:

Step 4: Delete your comment and hilarity ensues:

OUT OF THE BAT CAVE...

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 11:11:58 +1000

Last Thursday night saw a few of us bats girls out on the town, which saw us ignoring our impending study timetables and bouncing from club to club in true Destiny Child’s style:

BREAST PARTY EVER @ LAMBDA

Rachael and Emily had the pleasure of playing a guest BATS DJ set at Lambda’s Breast Cancer Awareness Party. Apart from being a bazooka-load of fun, there were some great knocker performances by bands The Boys and The Madisons. Our set was confusing and weird (think German techno having sex with a 15 year old indie boy) and we may have made a tit of ourselves, but it’s nothing a couple of jugs… of beer couldn’t help ease. Support charities keeping abreast of the situation, and tell cancer to rack off! (.Y.)

COBRA SNAKE @ COBRA KAI

Just across the block, myself (Bette) joined dozens of procrastinating university students to get loose with the Mark “The Cobra Snake” Hunter at one of our favourite new club nights, Cobra Kai. Along with the mighty Cobra the night played host to beats from Mosman Alder, Massai, Vasy Mollo and Morning Harvey. And in true “screw you exams” spirit everyone got shitfaced and danced the night away only to be confronted with cringe worthy photos the next day… well at least I was (sup boxshot). However, Cobra himself rekindled his old flame for our humble zine (see below) and appeared to indeed love Brisbane. I left with carpet burns on both my elbows - but I’ll take that as a sign that a good night was had by all.

Click here to see more photos.

P.S. You’ll be seeing and hearing more from the bats team soon…
stay tuned for a *special* announcement!